This one is from the pages of my journal. It’s about an idea I had during the darkest or toughest times! Most of the part is a metaphor but the central idea remains! It might be a bit difficult to understand for it’s difficult for me as well to explain. But I know we all always experience this but seldom realizing!
The darkness was falling deep, aside me, inside me.
I was walking, walking alone with an empty mind. But was it really empty. Many times how relentlessly we try to fool ourselves. An unachievable feet yet we try it. How foolish really!
An owl went past my head taking me totally by surprise! The night time, the resting time, was apparently also time to work! Somewhere far away I could hear dogs barking at their highest. Were they also just like me, totally desperate and fallen! What was I supposed to do! Cry or what? Shout out loud?
I wanted remorse. I was so outplayed by the destiny! They say it's good to have problems. That's where we learn. But now I was just seek of all this learning. I was tired. I was exhausted. I had no where to go. It's easy when others disappoint you, you have yourself to comfort! What to do when you disappoint yourself? Where will that will power come from? What on earth can cheer me up? During the day you have light. During night you at least have shadows. It's when at night even shadows leave you that you really understand the loneliness.
The light was dimming as the clouds were covering the moon. It was close to midnight. As I looked into the sky just few stars were trying theie best to glow and defeat the darkness but it was impossible for them either. So far yet they were trying their very best. And here I was totally giving up!
I wanted answers to the questions I knew had no answers. Yet why was I seeking them in the eccentricity? And that was the time when a thought struck me like a lightening bolt hitting a tree top or a ray breaking through the light at a blazing speed! I was the origin of every thought that came to mind! It was not that thoughts generate at their own. I was the one fuelling them. I was the creator and I was the only one who could possibly control them.
And a big laugh broke out! I felt joy like never before! I felt so thankful for all the problems in the life for the first time! I thought I had found some darkest and yet cleanest secret!
They always talk about angels around you but seldom do they mention the angels within you! It's like that old line, "He wanted it, wanted it badly,but coudn't find it, he looked everywhere except for himself".
©Devendra Oak.
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